if i were to be asked on this question, i would quickly answer.. the LORD.
yesterday during mrii shanghai young adult fellowship sharing session by ko irwan, this question popped out again. i answered the question with the same answer.
wait, i thought. am i too theoretical? am i really living what i say?
i quickly identify the logic on how i derive my answer.
it starts with the definition of 'closest friend'. to me, my closest friend is with whom i could:
- be who i truly am
- confess my weaknesses and failures
- share joy and happiness with
who is the person that will see my true color and also get the share of joy and happiness?
many people give the answer of 'parents'. to my personal case, my parents are the closest people on earth i could be who i truly am, in showing all my bad behavior, weaknesses and failures. however, i could not categorize them as my closest friends because if i do, i am bad. they hardly ever receive the share of joy and happiness. as long as i could remember, the closer people at my proximity receive those. in short and frank way of saying it, parents get all the 'rubbish', friends get all the 'sweet stuffs'.
i realize this yesterday night and feel sorry to my own parents. i make a commitment to share more joy and happy stories and less... less grumble.
thus, i still believe that the LORD is the closest friend i could ever have, in sad moments and in happy moments He receives myself openly both as He promises.
this started since the incident in 2006 with one of my 'closest friend' back then, that i resolve to share everything, first to the LORD before to any other person. only after i receive peace from Him and confident on the way to resolve the issue is not contrary to biblical teaching that i will share it with other to receive more feedback. i realize that in this way, my way of living and relationships with Him is more stable and i am not easily shaken by what others feed in.
also, i have started praying that my future life partner will be my closest confidant, who i could listen from and pour the joy of my life to.
soli Deo gloria :)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
the ways of communicating
recently, from others reliable feedback i realize that i have changed positively over the last a year or two. one says i am objective in responding to issues and continuously try to patch up my drawbacks. other says i have the strong will to learn. one thing i thank the LORD, strengthening feedback received by acknowledging His power in me and continuous self checking of pride.
in communicating with people, i perceive there are three areas of receiving and delivering:
1. intention
i like to understand clearly people's intention in direct manner. in the same way, i will speak direct to my point in the shortest way possible to other, as long as situation permits.
2. feedback
i appreciate so much when people do it direct to me. no matter how bitter they are, i learn that there must be 1% of truth out of the 99% of erroneous in them that i need to identify. no smoke without fire. after reflecting it personally with the LORD and if i do not find any mistake from myself to be corrected, i will submit the case in the end and have peace within myself. nothing to lose in accepting and clarifying it as early as possible. to people, as i know and care them person to person, i shall pray to the LORD first to clarify my intention in giving them feedback, if i were to deliver it for their goodness sake or for my own selfish motivation. depending on the result, i will do or do not give feedback.
3. confession
i pray that LORD always strengthen me and keep me from falling into sins. when i do and the sins are related to people, i naturally will pray to the LORD for forgiveness and confessing them to people. yesterday, i just received again the statement that there are some matters best not to be revealed.
in my opinion, if the delaying of confession may impact the relationships whenever it is revealed, the best is still to reveal them at the earliest time after own self have confessed them to the LORD and have peace to myself. in this way, when the other reacts negatively we are enabled to be strong in continue make our way right with the LORD with minimal impact from other reaction. the LORD has forgiven our sins once and for all, those in the past, present and in the future.
in communicating with people, i perceive there are three areas of receiving and delivering:
1. intention
i like to understand clearly people's intention in direct manner. in the same way, i will speak direct to my point in the shortest way possible to other, as long as situation permits.
2. feedback
i appreciate so much when people do it direct to me. no matter how bitter they are, i learn that there must be 1% of truth out of the 99% of erroneous in them that i need to identify. no smoke without fire. after reflecting it personally with the LORD and if i do not find any mistake from myself to be corrected, i will submit the case in the end and have peace within myself. nothing to lose in accepting and clarifying it as early as possible. to people, as i know and care them person to person, i shall pray to the LORD first to clarify my intention in giving them feedback, if i were to deliver it for their goodness sake or for my own selfish motivation. depending on the result, i will do or do not give feedback.
3. confession
i pray that LORD always strengthen me and keep me from falling into sins. when i do and the sins are related to people, i naturally will pray to the LORD for forgiveness and confessing them to people. yesterday, i just received again the statement that there are some matters best not to be revealed.
in my opinion, if the delaying of confession may impact the relationships whenever it is revealed, the best is still to reveal them at the earliest time after own self have confessed them to the LORD and have peace to myself. in this way, when the other reacts negatively we are enabled to be strong in continue make our way right with the LORD with minimal impact from other reaction. the LORD has forgiven our sins once and for all, those in the past, present and in the future.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
thanksgivings and resolutions
thanksgivings
many are given into my life and the three highlight are:
1. accountable friends
since ever i prayed to God to show my purpose of life, i realize that i am in need of accountable friends, who are close enough to understand my real self and to give trustworthy feedback, especially in the area i need improvements. i have some friends that consistently get my prayer points and pray for me. specifically for feedback, interestingly i realize that it was through a non-active christian that teaches me hard, right at the points. her initial is wl. i respect her so much for although we had hard times in our friendship (i wonder if she was to read this she will not comment anything :p), she criticizes my weaknesses but able to generally stay objective. although there was a period of time when i was too afraid even to build eye contact with her and i checked online dictionary to check my usage of english words before talking to her, i admire her since the beginning for her vast knowledge and sharp, critical thinking skill. thank God for once we chat for 3 hours when she was on business trip to shenzhen last october 2010.
frankly, i feel kind of 'terrorized' for her correcting every single mistakes of mine. BUT, in the end i realize that she cares me. i do not think she bothers to correct other people's mistakes whom she doesn't care.
also.. i think if GOD were to be seen by my human eyes and chose to closely disciplining us, i will definitely feel terrorized for failing His perfect standard.
2. serving in the church
i have been avoiding to assume any position of service in church since 2003. i afraid of serving with wrong motivation, i.e. as a self-realization. also, i saw many times people were busy preparing the programs rather than to focus on God. i was very touched and excited when i was asked to contribute in preparing a special program for the church christmas celebration back on 18 december 2010. since long, i regard that the position as the event programmer is the most challanging one because one needs creativity to realize the concept to be delivered to audience into reality with the available talents and capabilities. in additional, only in the early of this semester that i became the church-regular. in this sense, 'an outsider' needs to earn trust before having the natural leader's authority and respect.
i had a mixed feeling in accepting the position at first because i was asked to help, not that i was offered the position. the consequences were clear: my time to do personal target, that is to spend more time with the locals, learn bible verses and pray in chinese, would be very minimum. i saw too that i would not be able to concentrate to my study well. i was preparing my hanyu shuiping kaoshi (hsk) too. but, i had faith that this service was from Him. i have prayed for long that once i was offered a church service by someone, who knows my capability and personality quite well, i would respond positively.
like the story of peter and friends when they were fishing and gained nothing after almost the whole day, Jesus Christ came at the right time. the Lord provided all, the exact instruction how to do His service (He pointed to peter where to release the net), the instrument (the unbroken net) and the people to share Gospel with (the abundant fish). we, who are called to be His work partner only need to do one thing, that is to respond positively and believe (peter put down the net as instructed and pulled it when the net was full of fish). what a wonderful way to witness His miraculous work. everything has been provided for us to witness and rejoice in His glory!
3. sharing faith
i have been praying for opportunity to share my faith with ex-colleagues, both in panasonic and motorola. one of them was mok lumin. i have been praying for him since 2007, since i started working there, wishing that a friendship could be built and with sincerity i could share my faith to the Lord. at last, on 31 december 2010, i managed to openly share my faith to Him and urge him to look into Bible teaching seriously. he did not give me a specific response but at least, he was reminded.
resolutions
the two resolutions are
1. regular quiet time including regular check on motivation in doing things and pray more regularly for other.
2. be an on-time person
i have started to pray on this since 5 years ago and this resolution is not achieved yet.
"punctuality is the politeness of kings" - Louise XVIII
3. to know him more and deeper
many are given into my life and the three highlight are:
1. accountable friends
since ever i prayed to God to show my purpose of life, i realize that i am in need of accountable friends, who are close enough to understand my real self and to give trustworthy feedback, especially in the area i need improvements. i have some friends that consistently get my prayer points and pray for me. specifically for feedback, interestingly i realize that it was through a non-active christian that teaches me hard, right at the points. her initial is wl. i respect her so much for although we had hard times in our friendship (i wonder if she was to read this she will not comment anything :p), she criticizes my weaknesses but able to generally stay objective. although there was a period of time when i was too afraid even to build eye contact with her and i checked online dictionary to check my usage of english words before talking to her, i admire her since the beginning for her vast knowledge and sharp, critical thinking skill. thank God for once we chat for 3 hours when she was on business trip to shenzhen last october 2010.
frankly, i feel kind of 'terrorized' for her correcting every single mistakes of mine. BUT, in the end i realize that she cares me. i do not think she bothers to correct other people's mistakes whom she doesn't care.
also.. i think if GOD were to be seen by my human eyes and chose to closely disciplining us, i will definitely feel terrorized for failing His perfect standard.
2. serving in the church
i have been avoiding to assume any position of service in church since 2003. i afraid of serving with wrong motivation, i.e. as a self-realization. also, i saw many times people were busy preparing the programs rather than to focus on God. i was very touched and excited when i was asked to contribute in preparing a special program for the church christmas celebration back on 18 december 2010. since long, i regard that the position as the event programmer is the most challanging one because one needs creativity to realize the concept to be delivered to audience into reality with the available talents and capabilities. in additional, only in the early of this semester that i became the church-regular. in this sense, 'an outsider' needs to earn trust before having the natural leader's authority and respect.
i had a mixed feeling in accepting the position at first because i was asked to help, not that i was offered the position. the consequences were clear: my time to do personal target, that is to spend more time with the locals, learn bible verses and pray in chinese, would be very minimum. i saw too that i would not be able to concentrate to my study well. i was preparing my hanyu shuiping kaoshi (hsk) too. but, i had faith that this service was from Him. i have prayed for long that once i was offered a church service by someone, who knows my capability and personality quite well, i would respond positively.
like the story of peter and friends when they were fishing and gained nothing after almost the whole day, Jesus Christ came at the right time. the Lord provided all, the exact instruction how to do His service (He pointed to peter where to release the net), the instrument (the unbroken net) and the people to share Gospel with (the abundant fish). we, who are called to be His work partner only need to do one thing, that is to respond positively and believe (peter put down the net as instructed and pulled it when the net was full of fish). what a wonderful way to witness His miraculous work. everything has been provided for us to witness and rejoice in His glory!
3. sharing faith
i have been praying for opportunity to share my faith with ex-colleagues, both in panasonic and motorola. one of them was mok lumin. i have been praying for him since 2007, since i started working there, wishing that a friendship could be built and with sincerity i could share my faith to the Lord. at last, on 31 december 2010, i managed to openly share my faith to Him and urge him to look into Bible teaching seriously. he did not give me a specific response but at least, he was reminded.
resolutions
the two resolutions are
1. regular quiet time including regular check on motivation in doing things and pray more regularly for other.
2. be an on-time person
i have started to pray on this since 5 years ago and this resolution is not achieved yet.
"punctuality is the politeness of kings" - Louise XVIII
3. to know him more and deeper
Saturday, January 1, 2011
new 'eve and first' year chronology
31.12.10.05
the previous two days i traveled with mok lumin (motorola ex-colleague) to suzhou and nanjing.
0400am. i woke up, felt a mix of anxious and excited in planning how to spend the last day of the year. it was whether to meet up with some people i have been praying for or to have personal time alone. i had many good plans in my head but which ones that will make Him smile? finally, i did a prayer, submitting today into His hand, believing He would lead. i sorted out mok's pictures and continued 'a personal project for huiling as a present from shanghai', hoping to pass this to mok so it could be quicker to reach huiling. i did grab some chinese new year cards and some gifts for singapore's motorola ex-colleagues too. my breakfast was very heavy: two breads, a box of coffee flavored pocky, lotte's chocolate-layered biscuit, qianbing (chinese snack).
1000am. i met mok at a shopping mall, half an hour by bus from my school, to pass all his pictures i took and to bid farewell. God answered my prayer that i had the very brief moment to share with him my conviction in the LORD. i urged him to look into Bible. he replied me with a wide smile (whatever it meant, i am no longer in debt to share Gospel to him at this moment!). ok, that's my morning. it ended well :)
1230pm. i had a glass of coffee bean's dark chocolate expresso and kfc's soya milk. i went back to school area, decided to sit at apple garden bakery and did my year end reflection there. it was a satisfying one and half hour of quiet time with Him, seeing people's activities through the bakery glass panel while munching at my favorite big black sesame bread followed by Bible reading.
0430pm my body was very tired, i finally forced myself to sleep among the messiness of my room (hey, i could slept without any cleaning done! :P)
0500pm. inneke, my church friend, knocked my door, confirming with me if i were to join them at 8pm for the count down 'party' at jia-jia's house and i agreed although i thought i might need more rest for my head started to feel pain.
0530pm. i felt hungry and suddenly had the craving for chicken liver. i head to school canteen alone because inneke did not answer my phone call. although most of the indonesian students automatically say "NO" to all local canteens for the standard of cleanliness, i enjoyed eating the foods! the taste likes home-cooked food back home.. yes, i agreed that the utensils are very dirty.. i always bring my own chopsticks. i had tomato fried egg, green veggie, steamed fish and tofu for rmb 7. although it was not appealing at the first sight, it was a nice supposedly-last dinner of the year. thank God for food :)
0700pm. hartono, one of the classmates that i owe Gospel to, unexpectedly gave me a call and asked if i had my dinner. i said yes but i offered to accompany him for dinner for i was considering to meet him earlier in the morning to catch up with him. he has been sick, diarrhea and flu. to my standard, being born in the year of 1988 into a buddhist family, his thinking is very matured and we often exchange life views. he is attached to a girl, two years older than him and currently is working in singapore. i believed that our conversation, he is able to relate to some bible's teaching values.
0800pm. inneke, mario and i shared a cab to jia-jia's house. everyone had gathered and i was surprised to see james, another friend i owe Gospel to, there too. jia-jia cooked huge pot of beef balls and meat soup. it was very nice! they also had papa john's pizza and kfc. the centre of the activities revolved around challenging each other through wii's dancing game. we counted down and opened a bottle of champagne to mark the new year arrival. it was my first new year eve party, very enjoyable for it was far from the crowd and yet the atmosphere was there. hahaha.. actually, two ladies got drunk because of the alcoholic drinks they bought (i learn to consume a little amount of alcoholic drinks in the supposedly this safe circle of friend) and the picture they took gives the impression that they were at a pub!
01.01.11.06
0100am. my right eye was hurt ( i thought it was because my dirty contact lens), my head was pain and friends said there was hardly taxi at that time for some of us to go back. without any hesitation, i asked jia-jia's permission to sleep on her bed for at 1030am we were going to have prayer meeting.
0800am. i woke up and found my right eye was swollen. that made me contact-lens-less and wore no glasses throughout the day. but, thank to God that my 'vain-ness' (the term i use to describe my bad mood when i do not feel good outwardly) did not surface out in the first day of the new year. :D
1045am. we started the prayer meeting cum sharing session. it was a warm session as we knew more about each other thanksgivings, struggles and commitments to be prayed for the next a year. there were 13 of us.
0100pm. the prayer meeting ended later than we expected. a lady brought us snacks to fill temporarily our stomach. it was sticky rice with cooked durian paste. first time trying. nice!
0130pm. yohannes, aswin, jia-jia, ardy, cindy, helen and i reached metro city at xujiahui and had carl's jr as our lunch. my friends teased me, calling me the ambassador of carl's jr for i have an exceptional craze about it. hmm.. i love the size :D today's choice was teriyaki beef burger, it has a big slice of pineapple in it. :)
0200pm. we sat at starbucks and before long, cindy and jia-jia decided to go home. our discussion topics are pro/against animal skin for our clothing, bags, accessories, eating exotic animals half alive, phobia on insects and ended with aikido and thai boxing.
0400pm. helen offered to accompany me to see traditional chinese practitioner (seeing tcm has been my weekly routine since months back to cure my old sickness, gastric pain). the place is still at xujiahui but it is like 2 bus stop away. since i do not know on any bus to reach the place, we walked there. throughout the journey, i enjoyed so much this relax feeling while chatting with her in the midst of the crowd. the feeling was very superb! it was because helen was the other person i had in mind to catch up with these few days. her personality in a way or another is pretty similar to mine (independent, speak up her mind, thinker, having similar hobbies). along the way, i grabbed the chinese snack i have been wanting to taste. although i did not buy the traditional sanca stick and instead grabbed a strawberry's stick, i did not regret because the strawberries were fresh and i could finished what i had bought.. i felt very satisfied with the purchased (for i had long anticipating that if i were to buy this one day, i would just eat one and throw the rest for its sugar content).
0500pm. along the way back, we bumped into a chinese lady, who was selling two puppies. helen loved dog so much. i could see it from her interaction with them. love seeing this picture of her.
0700pm. before long that i reached room, i had three different calls for dinner. i politely rejected all of them because my body could not take it anymore to go outside. it was -1degree and my body was weak. i slept for half an hour until someone called my room and knocked my door. i didn't respond to both because i was tired. finally, i responded to the third attempt, that was through my mobile. rexy brought me 3 sachets of tolak angin. it really touched me that i was provided when in need.
0800pm. i decided to spend some times to do room cleaning. in the end, i spent 2 hours doing those. i felt satisfied although it was tiring and my poor fingers very freezing.. i repeatedly washed several batches of stuff..
1030pm. started to checked email, fb, created this first crossroad blog as a fresh start of the year and to update prince frog and friends.
the previous two days i traveled with mok lumin (motorola ex-colleague) to suzhou and nanjing.
0400am. i woke up, felt a mix of anxious and excited in planning how to spend the last day of the year. it was whether to meet up with some people i have been praying for or to have personal time alone. i had many good plans in my head but which ones that will make Him smile? finally, i did a prayer, submitting today into His hand, believing He would lead. i sorted out mok's pictures and continued 'a personal project for huiling as a present from shanghai', hoping to pass this to mok so it could be quicker to reach huiling. i did grab some chinese new year cards and some gifts for singapore's motorola ex-colleagues too. my breakfast was very heavy: two breads, a box of coffee flavored pocky, lotte's chocolate-layered biscuit, qianbing (chinese snack).
1000am. i met mok at a shopping mall, half an hour by bus from my school, to pass all his pictures i took and to bid farewell. God answered my prayer that i had the very brief moment to share with him my conviction in the LORD. i urged him to look into Bible. he replied me with a wide smile (whatever it meant, i am no longer in debt to share Gospel to him at this moment!). ok, that's my morning. it ended well :)
1230pm. i had a glass of coffee bean's dark chocolate expresso and kfc's soya milk. i went back to school area, decided to sit at apple garden bakery and did my year end reflection there. it was a satisfying one and half hour of quiet time with Him, seeing people's activities through the bakery glass panel while munching at my favorite big black sesame bread followed by Bible reading.
0430pm my body was very tired, i finally forced myself to sleep among the messiness of my room (hey, i could slept without any cleaning done! :P)
0500pm. inneke, my church friend, knocked my door, confirming with me if i were to join them at 8pm for the count down 'party' at jia-jia's house and i agreed although i thought i might need more rest for my head started to feel pain.
0530pm. i felt hungry and suddenly had the craving for chicken liver. i head to school canteen alone because inneke did not answer my phone call. although most of the indonesian students automatically say "NO" to all local canteens for the standard of cleanliness, i enjoyed eating the foods! the taste likes home-cooked food back home.. yes, i agreed that the utensils are very dirty.. i always bring my own chopsticks. i had tomato fried egg, green veggie, steamed fish and tofu for rmb 7. although it was not appealing at the first sight, it was a nice supposedly-last dinner of the year. thank God for food :)
0700pm. hartono, one of the classmates that i owe Gospel to, unexpectedly gave me a call and asked if i had my dinner. i said yes but i offered to accompany him for dinner for i was considering to meet him earlier in the morning to catch up with him. he has been sick, diarrhea and flu. to my standard, being born in the year of 1988 into a buddhist family, his thinking is very matured and we often exchange life views. he is attached to a girl, two years older than him and currently is working in singapore. i believed that our conversation, he is able to relate to some bible's teaching values.
0800pm. inneke, mario and i shared a cab to jia-jia's house. everyone had gathered and i was surprised to see james, another friend i owe Gospel to, there too. jia-jia cooked huge pot of beef balls and meat soup. it was very nice! they also had papa john's pizza and kfc. the centre of the activities revolved around challenging each other through wii's dancing game. we counted down and opened a bottle of champagne to mark the new year arrival. it was my first new year eve party, very enjoyable for it was far from the crowd and yet the atmosphere was there. hahaha.. actually, two ladies got drunk because of the alcoholic drinks they bought (i learn to consume a little amount of alcoholic drinks in the supposedly this safe circle of friend) and the picture they took gives the impression that they were at a pub!
01.01.11.06
0100am. my right eye was hurt ( i thought it was because my dirty contact lens), my head was pain and friends said there was hardly taxi at that time for some of us to go back. without any hesitation, i asked jia-jia's permission to sleep on her bed for at 1030am we were going to have prayer meeting.
0800am. i woke up and found my right eye was swollen. that made me contact-lens-less and wore no glasses throughout the day. but, thank to God that my 'vain-ness' (the term i use to describe my bad mood when i do not feel good outwardly) did not surface out in the first day of the new year. :D
1045am. we started the prayer meeting cum sharing session. it was a warm session as we knew more about each other thanksgivings, struggles and commitments to be prayed for the next a year. there were 13 of us.
0100pm. the prayer meeting ended later than we expected. a lady brought us snacks to fill temporarily our stomach. it was sticky rice with cooked durian paste. first time trying. nice!
0130pm. yohannes, aswin, jia-jia, ardy, cindy, helen and i reached metro city at xujiahui and had carl's jr as our lunch. my friends teased me, calling me the ambassador of carl's jr for i have an exceptional craze about it. hmm.. i love the size :D today's choice was teriyaki beef burger, it has a big slice of pineapple in it. :)
0200pm. we sat at starbucks and before long, cindy and jia-jia decided to go home. our discussion topics are pro/against animal skin for our clothing, bags, accessories, eating exotic animals half alive, phobia on insects and ended with aikido and thai boxing.
0400pm. helen offered to accompany me to see traditional chinese practitioner (seeing tcm has been my weekly routine since months back to cure my old sickness, gastric pain). the place is still at xujiahui but it is like 2 bus stop away. since i do not know on any bus to reach the place, we walked there. throughout the journey, i enjoyed so much this relax feeling while chatting with her in the midst of the crowd. the feeling was very superb! it was because helen was the other person i had in mind to catch up with these few days. her personality in a way or another is pretty similar to mine (independent, speak up her mind, thinker, having similar hobbies). along the way, i grabbed the chinese snack i have been wanting to taste. although i did not buy the traditional sanca stick and instead grabbed a strawberry's stick, i did not regret because the strawberries were fresh and i could finished what i had bought.. i felt very satisfied with the purchased (for i had long anticipating that if i were to buy this one day, i would just eat one and throw the rest for its sugar content).
0500pm. along the way back, we bumped into a chinese lady, who was selling two puppies. helen loved dog so much. i could see it from her interaction with them. love seeing this picture of her.
0700pm. before long that i reached room, i had three different calls for dinner. i politely rejected all of them because my body could not take it anymore to go outside. it was -1degree and my body was weak. i slept for half an hour until someone called my room and knocked my door. i didn't respond to both because i was tired. finally, i responded to the third attempt, that was through my mobile. rexy brought me 3 sachets of tolak angin. it really touched me that i was provided when in need.
0800pm. i decided to spend some times to do room cleaning. in the end, i spent 2 hours doing those. i felt satisfied although it was tiring and my poor fingers very freezing.. i repeatedly washed several batches of stuff..
1030pm. started to checked email, fb, created this first crossroad blog as a fresh start of the year and to update prince frog and friends.
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